Listening to God

Composed by: Sr. Catalina Rosa

It's been two weeks since several of my Dominican brothers and sisters and I made our temporary promises to the Order of Preachers. What a grace-filled evening that was!

I've known that God gives us the graces we need when we need them, and that He gives them to us not for us to hoard solely for our benefit, but so we can do His will. Win-win.

I've also known that God's timing of events in our lives is not accidental or coincidental. It's intentional.

With those two facts in mind, it would seem that I can whip them up nicely, add a "Serenity Prayer" cherry on top, and be at peace, right?

No.

I was flummoxed when the week of my promises, and the week after, saw:
-news of housing-related changes,
-news of work-related changes,
-news of a friend's hospitalization,
-news of the death of a high school friend,
-news of the death of a neighbor,
-news from my family that I'm still trying to process, and
-news of friends' families' struggles

Did I mention two feet of snow, by any chance?

However, the previous two weeks also saw joyous moments and good news! For instance: This past weekend, I witnessed 12 young men--many of them my age or only a few years older than I--make their solemn vows to the Order of Preachers as friars. Watching peers make lifelong vows linking them to the same order to which I belong--and to which I'm discerning whether I, too, will promise myself for life one day--was inspiring as well as thought-provoking.

In addition, most of the two feet of snow have melted so far, and commuting to and from work and running errands has been easier in the past two weeks than most of last winter (which had more frequent snowfalls and colder temperatures [i.e., icier roads and sidewalks]).

I'm a human, however.

I'm fallen.
 
I whine.

"Why are all these things happening to me?"

Such usage of the expression these things, by the way, has a way of failing to consider blessings.

I discussed in my previous blog entry my journey in conversation with Jesus and Mary. It's been helpful to talk to them. It's been helpful to talk to close friends--and, of course, my Dominican brothers and sisters--too!

I've been realizing that besides talking, however, I need to listen--and that I especially need to grow in the area of listening to God. Even if I don't see His facial expressions like I do of my friends and of my Dominican brothers and sisters (reading lips, facial expressions, and body language helps me greatly during conversations), I need to be a better listener to Him.

Holy hours used to be a regular part of my routine until the Thanksgiving/Christmas/New Year's merry-go-round. It must be by the grace of God I enjoyed those months! I resumed regular holy hour attendance the week before my promises--and, not to my surprise, holy hours also have been of help in the past two weeks. When else can one look at Christ in the flesh and not only talk to Him, but also be in a silent and sacred space to listen to Him?

It was last year when I learned that sloth is also referred to as acedia--and that the vice isn’t simply laziness. It also includes busyness that's done in order to avoid prayer--to avoid God.

Pointless busyness.

I have a reputation as a "busy bee," and a friend once told me that my middle name should be "clutch," in the slang sense of the word that describes a reliable individual who comes through at the right time. I work full-time. I work part-time. I search for more work. I pay bills. I fret over bills. I run errands. I cook. I clean. I volunteer. I visit neighbors and friends.

I "do."

I'm of the sort who must take steps to incorporate silence into my daily routine, in order to be present to myself, and in order to be present to Him.

I often think of Martha. As a woman, I've heard of the imagery of balancing Martha and Mary. Martha was the doer. Mary was the listener, no?

However, Martha also was the one who made a bold statement to Christ about the resurrection when her beloved brother was not only dead, but buried.

Martha is more than the "doing" woman of the New Testament! Yes, she was a human. She was fallen. She made the mistake of fretting about setting up dinner to the extent of missing the point that the dinner was meant to have the Lord's company. She also was the same woman who professed belief in the resurrection.

Martha is a saint.

The more I reflect on Martha's witness, the more I realize that a conversion that wasn't necessarily written in detail in the Gospels took place.

Martha the "doer" became present enough to Christ to believe in the eternal life He allows, and now we proclaim that she's among the holy men and women partaking of that eternal life.

I want that eternal life, too.

It's time for me to listen. Lent is next week. Isn't that nice?

God's timing is intentional.

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